“am I enough? I AM ENOUGH!”
Can you relate to these statements? In life, we sometimes compare ourselves to those around us who appear to have it all together. We measure where we are in life compared to where others seem to be. When we feel as though we don’t measure up due to life’s challenges and circumstances, we begin to change our statement of affirmation from “I Am Enough!” to a question… “am I enough?”
For years, I asked the question?????? am (i) enough? I felt like I never measured up. I felt like I was never good enough. I felt empty and lost, as I looked through the lens of those around me who seemed more accomplished. Constantly replaying my relationships filled with abuse and heartbreaks. I felt incapable of desiring any good for my life; after living through my suicide attempt, I began to look at life with zero emotions. This was the most challenging time and the most painful period in my life.
Living with the raw emotions of no self-worth can plummet your life to the point where you believe the lie that you’re not good enough, you will never be enough, and that you deserve nothing good. I felt like I was digging myself deeper and deeper in a pit with no way out; that was when I began to realize I had to decide what I wanted for my life and my daughter’s future. In the darkest of times, God was with me just as He’s with you. I had to accept and receive His love. I came face to face with my reality. I forced myself to verbalize the question, “Samantha, do you want to be enough? Do you believe who God says that you are?” It was a battle in my mind because I thought, “How I can be enough after all the mistakes that I’ve made? How can I be enough when people that I loved abused and rejected me?” But deep within I was determined to climb out of that pit.
I wanted to be free, I wanted to live in the freedom of being me. I wanted to say and know, “I Am Enough.” But it first starts with forgiveness. I had to forgive – forgive myself and those who caused me pain. Forgiving yourself and forgiving those who’ve hurt you is key to your freedom. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you forget, or excuse the wrong that has been done to you. Forgiveness means freedom, it means freeing yourself from the grips of those who’ve hurt you. I haven’t forgotten, I bear the scars, I see them every day but I’ve chosen to use my scars for you. Was it painful? Yes! Would I want to live through that pain again? No! But God has made what I went through worth it because today I can speak to you about pain and I can speak to you about redemption and your freedom.
Today as you read this LOVE note from me to you, you may have dug yourself into a pit by your choices or by the decisions of others, but I want you to know that “You are Enough”. Like me you will have to fight, you will have to work through the disappointment and setbacks that lie ahead; I had a therapist and those close to me who understood the depth of my pain, and they spoke life into me. I know where you are, I know the emotional roller coaster you’re on. I know your struggle; I see the fight you are in, and my message to you is “ the battle is already won”, but you have to choose to say the affirmed statement, “I Am Enough”.
I’ve been chosen for such a time by God who brought me through to speak to your heart, to speak to your circumstances, to speak to your pain. It’s not easy for me to be this vulnerable to you, but I choose willingly; believing my journey, my words of hope will yield fruit in the right season for you, a sister, a brother, a family member, a friend, a coworker or even a stranger.
There is HOPE. Seek a safe haven! Seek Godly counsel! Reach out to a friend that you can trust. Be willing to be vulnerable and let someone know how you’re feeling. Be ready and willing to get support through therapy, begin to search the Bible for scriptures, and meditate on the words that will build you up spiritually and emotionally. The first battle will be in your mind, changing the thoughts of defeat to feelings of hope, you must believe in yourself, and know you have been created for a purpose. Surround yourself with positive individuals, such as a life group at a Church or Community Center advocates who will challenge you and guide you into your journey of freedom and redemption. I can’t promise you that this will be a quick fix to walking away from your painful past, but I do know that as you take one step in front of the other, as you seek support, you will change the question from: “am I enough?” to “I Am Enough!”
Living life on purpose
#mylifeisMyLife
– Samantha N. Barber
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please seek help through one of the many organizations providing assistance in the DMV area:
http://phoenix-project.org/contact-phoenix-project/
https://thelaurelcenter.org/
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.centerforabusedpersonscharlescounty.org/
https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline
